Wednesday, December 29, 2010
December 2010
I got to see Carrie Underwood in Evansville on December 2nd!!
Monday, December 20, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
Photo-a-Day
My Project 365 Album is set to start Jan. 1st! Hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving!!!
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Letter from Jamie
I am sitting here on November 3rd, 2010 and just can't believe that today marks two years without you.
There have been so many things that have happened but I can't even begin to tell you everything. Just know that I have missed you from the very core of my being. I know we didn't have a perfect marriage and we were very different people, that is for sure, but we had a bond that I know we would have never broken. I know you felt the same way. We actually enjoyed each others company and we both loved to do a lot of the same things. But most importantly we had three beautiful girls that we both loved and adored and wanted to always be a family that was in it together. And we were!!!
I remember that last day, November 2nd before we left for church, you sat on the couch just waiting on my craziness to get ready and you said, "Jamie, you are gonna have to just start relaxing a little bit. Slow down." And I looked at you with a smirk and said "easy for you to say."
I look back at that time and wonder what I thought I was so busy about. I had no idea just how 'busy' I would become. We were a team, Jim, a good team! We shared everything... from the housecleaning to the girls' homework to the running them here and there to me being there in the morning to you being there in the afternoon. You did all the outside work (I supervised lol and brought you drinks and biscuits/gravy). I did most of the inside work. We shared the financial part of it. I am so lost without you. I feel like I am overloaded and overwhelmed most of the time. I have a harder time relaxing and enjoying life more now than I ever did two years ago!
And yet I have to try. I find myself looking forward to my girls being raised and out of school so that I know they "made it" and they are the people that God wants, and what you and I strived for. And yet when I do that I am going to miss the fun in just being with them, and enjoying them... and oh that hurts. So I will try, really try, to find that balance without you. But yet I know that I can't possibly be two parents and I wonder how can this be "God's plan?" I know there are so many children who don't have a dad who is around by choice.. so why take one who does? God's plan is one where there is a united family with one mom and one dad who stays together for the good of their family. Right?
You don't know how many times I wanted to pick up the phone to tell you something, to get your opinion about this or that, or to be excited about sharing something good. For instance, the first time Brittany made all A's in college (Wow!!), the tough time when Briona wanted to quit softball, then Baleigh quit softball but not before she made the most amazing catch in the outfield in the first Jim Miller Classic softball tourney ( you were that angel in the outfield I know and believe it!); and then Briona has developed into this beautiful, tall young lady and I need to talk to you about the boys and how much do I let her do and like I so need you to be there so those boys know they better not mess with our daughter, and I need you to talk to Baleigh to encourage her since her personality is so much like you use to be, and if you could see her play volleyball (Wow!). I really needed you here when Briona quit volleyball. I just couldn't stand it and I felt helpless and really needed you then. Then, of course, there is the 8th grade drama that you and I thought 'Beetle' would get to miss. Wrong. So I needed you to share my hurts and concerns to because after all you are the only one who understands my girls like I do.
If only we could have had you for a couple more years, to get through these teenage years, and so you could truly have witnessed their ballgames, and to see Brittany graduate with top honors in college. You did so much of the leg work, but never got to see them excel. You would be so proud. And you deserved to see it.
We went to be with Brittany last night in Evansville. We looked at pictures and the funeral slide show. On the way home this morning, it started to rain. It hasn't rained for weeks. I was thinking about us driving and I thought they were tears from you. But then I thought that can't be because there are no tears in Heaven, so I guess they represent my feelings.
So, in closing for now, I just want you to know that you are still so missed and always will be. There have been so many texts from family and friends who still remember and care about us. I feel so blessed. You touched a lot of lives, and I will try to live by your motto "Relax and enjoy life!!" You did such a great job of that!!!! I will do my best for our girls. It will never be the same, though. You were too important in our lives.
All my love,
Jamie
Monday, October 25, 2010
Letter to Daddy - Sent with love
With November right around the corner I've been starting to have these thoughts again. Thoughts of the last day. Getting the phone call. Things I wish I would've done differently. Wishing I would have stayed on the phone with you for just a little while longer that last day. But then I'm knocked back into reality and I realize that what's done is done... there is no going back, no last hug, no last "I love you," no last goodbye. I know exactly what you would be telling me right now- you would tell me that it's okay to move on, actually you would probably make sure that I do. You always hated seeing me hurt and I always knew that look you got in your eyes when you were wishing you could protect me from all the pain in this world, but instead you would stand beside me through it all. Now I'm just having trouble remembering to look up instead of to my right or left- where you should still be. I know I am not God and that I do not see the bigger picture right now, but at times my memory makes me hurt more than less. I'm still learning... Learning to be still when my mind wants to wonder thru all of the 'what ifs,' learning to cling to someone else instead of bottling it up, learning that my heart will never fully mend, and learning that missing you will never get easier. In all of my life lessons, this is the one area you never prepared me for- you never taught me how to live without you, probably because you never thought I would have to. I know all of this may seem silly to you, with you being in Heaven and all, but sometimes it feels good just to get all of this stuff off my chest. It really weighs me down at times. Having said all of this, I just wanted to tell you that I love you so, so much and I miss you with a pain that I've never known before. As many years as I continue to age, I will never forget your memory, or the love that you always gave me even though I didn't always deserve it. I want to thank you for not only being a father, but also a friend and so many other things to me. Words will never express how thankful I am that God allowed you to be my daddy for 19 years. And don't worry, I'll 'have fun and be safe' as you always told me before I left.
Can't wait to see you again... Love your daughter, Brittany.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Life the past month and a half
Friends :)
Mud Volleyball 2010
And growing baby bumps!!!!! (Regina & Danielle)
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Senior Year Begins
We have been busy, busy with Briona (freshman) & Baleigh's (8th) volleyball games (5 total for this week!!). I will be so, so happy when they are both in high school so that mom & I will only have one vball schedule and don't have to stress about splitting up when they both play on the same night. My heart aches that it causes so much worry, wondering which child we will watch on certain nights and then switch for the next. I just hope they know that they are sooo loved, and that even if they may only have one fan sitting in the bleachers, they have two fathers in heaven cheering louder than the whole gym combined.
Tomorrow the whole family gathers at gma's for a yummy Sunday dinner before I head off to school! I am so blessed to have such a close family... The Lord knew we were going to need it!!!!
Hope everyone has a good week!!!
Until next time,
JM
Monday, August 2, 2010
Confusion, Lies, and Emptiness
About 4 months ago, I met someone that I started to fall for quickly. I loved his personality, his work ethic, and his way of loving life and all of that combined intrigued me to find out more about him, and who he was as a person. Along the way, there were red flags that I didn't understand, and I shrugged them off because I thought I knew him and what I was doing, but in the end I was completely mistaken. The more I got to know him, the more I believed this lie that he was feeding me about who he was, and the lies that I kept telling my heart. On July 5th all of these lies came out; I understood why I was feeling these uncertainties with him, and why I kept shrugging them off. In the end, he was not only dating me, but seeing 2 others on the side, and lying to me throughout it all. The good thing that I've learned since then is that I should listen to the 'red flags' going through my head and allow them to question my heart, and my intentions. I am happy to say that I'm completely done with that whole mess and my heart has since moved on.
Present Day: Last night, I went on a date with a guy that is perfect in almost every way. He's respectful, thoughtful, funny, caring, goal-oriented, and the list could go on and on.... Last night he did everything right; from planning the date without any input from me, to dropping me off and walking me to the front door with every good intention of doing it again. The only problem was, I felt that something was missing. I don't know what it was because this guy has everything I want in someone, but my heart felt empty. I cried myself to sleep wondering what was wrong with me... Here is this perfect guy that would treat me like a queen, and I feel completely shut down by the entire situation. Here is someone that would date me, and only me, and I don't want it. I guess what I'm feeling now is that I'm scared that I'm searching for something that isn't real, or that I'll never find it. I feel like something is wrong with me for not wanting to give this a chance, but I just can't help it.
I hope by this point you don't think I'm crazy. I guess what I need right now is a little prayer, or maybe a piece of advice so that I know I'm normal to feel this way:) Thank you for understanding, fellow bloggers.
Lots of love,
Brittany
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Mid-Summer Quick Update
2. Car-shopping: done!!
3. Jim Miller Classic: amazing & very successful!!!
4. Enjoying the rest of summer vacation: yes, yes, yes:)
My new car: Nissan Altima!!
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Goodbye Mustang
Around 15, my parents and I started discussing cars and it came down to about 2-3 that we started looking at. Of course, I was the only one that was set on a Mustang- that's the only one I wanted!! A few months later, my dad went away on a "business trip" that I did not know the whereabouts of or why he was going, so I kissed him goodbye and welcomed him home a couple days later. He picked me up from softball practice the day he returned home and we had our usual conversations from the field until we pulled in the drive. To this day, I can still remember the look on his face when he parked his truck, reached down to grab something, and pulled up a single key saying, "Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you- I brought something home for ya!" I grabbed the key, tore into the garage, ripped off the cover they had over the car, and suprise- there set the exact Mustang that I had wanted!! What a spoiled girl I was on that very day, I had my dream car that I didn't deserve, and two healthy, loving parents celebrating a big milestone in my life with me, never thinking that one far-off day I would be celebrating milestones with only one parent... Thank you, Jesus, for memories!
~JM~
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Briona's Poem
and is the author of this beautiful poem...
Death
Who says death in a family is easy?
Death in a family can make a family stronger
or break a family and cause some drama.
When you go to sleep at night you think everything is fine,
you can think of a good thought
or how life is treating you good.
That thought can change in a blink of an eye,
waking up to a phone call at 11 or 12 a.m.
hearing your dad is in the hospital miles away.
Fear is in my body, leaving me with not knowing what to think.
I want to think it is just a minor thing
but that can change too.
When we arrive to the hospital we are told the horrifying news,
that my dad just passed away an hour before we got there.
You can hear the passion of care and hurt in the doctor's voice.
But what to think and do is the question.
Should I be angry, scared, or sick?
All I can see is screaming, kicking, and crying
and all I think is why, why, why?
As I fall to the ground bursting into tears.
Morning comes and we arrive home and the news is around
people show up to tell us how sorry they are.
They say they hurt also, but do they hurt as bad as we do?
They say they know what we're going through,
but do they really know how hurt we are, how much we have cried already,
or possibly how hard it will be to go to sleep at night,
knowing I lost my best friend, my dad?
In the end, it feels like my heart got ripped out of me,
so much pain is inside of me that won't come out,
so much for a fourteen year old to handle at a young age.
And it will never change.
As soon as I read this poem, I wanted to yell out to God asking, "Why would you let this little girl suffer so much pain before she even enters high school? Why must she and her younger sister go through life without their daddy beside them; hearing other girls her age talk and love on their daddies while her hands are empty?" It is unfair. Period. No explanation, no understanding, just plain and simply unfair. My heart and soul will never understand this unfairness, but I have to keep going, because the sun keeps rising and setting, and cars keep flying by me as if my life is the same as it was a year and seven months ago..... But it's not. When I feel that I have no tears left to cry, and no pain left to squeeze out, sometimes I can see this....
....and for one split second, the pain is gone....
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Summer thus far..
Wednesday morning I started a sore throat and I thought it would pass, as it normally does, but Thursday morning I woke up not feeling much better so I made a trip to Quickcare and sure enough it was strep throat! I hate being sick and the antibiotics I'm on make me feel even sicker!!
On Thursday a good friend of mine (Brooke) left for Zambia to do some mission work, so I wanted to ask for prayer for safety and as she works with children and the people there while she spreads the love of God!!! She will be there until mid-July!!
I also signed up for a chemistry summer class (which I'm now regretting :)) but I thought it would be nice to get it out of the way so that in the fall I will only have 12 hours of classes and more time to spend on preparing for student teaching and graduation!!!
Hopefully I'll find the time to update with some pics soon :)...
~JM~
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Alan Jackson
I recently went to see Alan Jackson on his Freight Train Tour in Evansville!! It's funny how it all worked out- I had heard of the date that he would be performing in Eville and I knew there was no way that I would be able to see him, so I didn't order tickets. But... one thing led to another and the night before the concert, a friend of a friend had row 1 tickets that I somehow managed to get my hands on:) Needless to say, I had an amazing time seeing one of my FAVORITE country artists!! If you've never seen this man in concert before, I highly recommend it!!
Thursday, April 22, 2010
School Students
Every Wednesday and Friday I get 50 minutes with my 3 kindergarten students and over the semester we have been studying and observing all kinds of animals. Well, on this particular day, we were studying jaguars and the many characteristics that make this animal unique. We were discussing the foods a jaguar may eat in the wild, and the students were coming up with all kinds of meat they thought the animal would eat. Since they were so focused on meat, I asked, "What do you call an animal that eats meat as their main source of food?" This little boy began sounding out the word that was right on his tongue, ...C...C...C..., and all of the sudden his eyes got so big like a light bulb had went off in his mind and he yelled out, "CATHOLIC!"
Priceless:) Somehow I always walk out of the school doors with a big smile on my face, thinking of all the silly, but honest answers they come up with.
I luckily found out some exciting news that wasn't supposed to come out until October, but I have been placed at Lena Dunn (3rd & 5th grade) for my student teaching which will begin next spring!! I'm so glad to be at a school close to home so that I can live at home and save some money:), but also not far from USI!!
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Count your blessings...
Daddy- your wings seem to push me a little further each day. When I stand, I stand taller because of you. You have given me all of the life and love in the world, and every time I see the brightness of the sun, I can feel your presence surrounding me. You set the example of the life I want to live, and I cannot wait to share all of this with you when I meet you inside Heaven's gates..
Monday, April 5, 2010
Easter 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Valleys..
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
For I know the plans I have for you...
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
I love Justin Bieber
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Blessed
Thursday, February 25, 2010
New Blog
I hope that everyone has a wonderful weekend! One of my best friends is getting married this Saturday, so I will ask you to pray for them as they begin their new lives together!!!
~JM~
Thursday, February 18, 2010
100th Post & 21st Birthday!!
~JM~
Sunday, February 14, 2010
There Is a God
~JM~
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Finding the Joy
Love,
JM
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Symbol of your Life
Head coverings are simply a symbol that represents the Mennonite religion and its beliefs and practices. In my family, coverings worn by women have been passed down from generation to generation, developing a history of changes that time has brought to the religion. I feel that a covering represents my life to date because it is a symbol of who I am as an individual, where I come from, and the beliefs that my family stands firm upon. It describes the characteristics of the ancestors who went before me, the lives that they lived, and the faith that they believed in. They passed it down to their children so that one day it could be passed down to me and to my future family. I believe in tradition, I believe in family, and I believe that knowing where one comes from is a sense of self that can never be replaced. My family is Mennonite. Wer bist du?
(Who are you?)
~JM~
Monday, January 25, 2010
WoW!! That's a Low Price!
Hope it brightens your day:)!!
Monday, January 18, 2010
American Honey
Gone for so long now
Silly smiles after a hot, summer day while enjoying some corn on the cob...
Trying to follow in the footsteps of someone you will always look up to...
Time to feel the breeze blow across your face and enjoy the world around you...
Attitude and personality that passes down with each generation..
Love, care, and humility learned from mom & dad..
Being a helper to someone, even though you may not be the best at it..:)
And finally, remembering who you are and where you came from when life tries to knock you down!!
~JM~