*LoVe LiVeS oN*

Can you say "hectic life" for me?! Wake up at 6:30 a.m., sub at school from 8-3, cheer practice from 3-6, drive back to Evansville, do homework from 7:30-9, play volleyball at 10:15, go to bed, wake up and start another day:)Whew!!! That wears me out..(p.s. I'm using my homework time to blog:)) So needless to say, tonight is going to be short and sweet!

I heard this song on the radio a couple days ago by a new country artist named, Mallory Hope, and I couldn't have written a song more truthful had I tried!! She sings about losing a loved one and still waking up in the morning trying to "feel" them, making an extra plate without realizing it, and the quietness that seems to be behind each room, and as I listened I just thought, "Wow", she put my exact feelings into this beautiful song that gave me chills as tears streamed down my face! Even though we may lose all that is important, love lives on in their memories, in the smile that still flashes thru your head, in the funny jokes you still laugh at, and in the millions of ways that they are still in your life. Their love will always be there... because love lives Forever...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ri9ihQsiDQ4&NR=1

and even though i cry like crazy

even though it hurts so bad

i'm thankful for the time God gave me

even though we couldn't make it last

i'm learning how to live without you

even though i don't want to

and even with you gone

love lives on...

~JM~

In Memory (pictures)

One year in Heaven..

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Tonight (or this morning) at 1 a.m. will be the one-year mark that I've lived without my dad. He passed away on the way home from a Colts game from a massive heart attack (Martinsville, IN). Us three girls and my mom were sleeping downstairs in the living room when we got a phone call at 12:30 a.m. I woke up, shook mom and asked, "Who would be calling at this time at night?" She replied, "Oh it's probably just dad calling on his way home." I went back to sleep and let mom answer the phone. During that time mom found out that dad had had a heart attack and that we needed to get to the hospital as soon as possible. When asked how bad it was, the only answer we got from anyone was, "They're working on him." The whole way to the hospital, us 4 sat in the back of the car, crying, praying, and holding on to the little piece of hope we had, that our family would be reunited soon. I envisioned running into that hospital, knocking down anyone that got in my way, squeezing my dad so tight, and telling him how very much I loved him. As we pulled into the ER garage and walked through the sliding doors, three doctors stood waiting to give us news that would forever separate our family. The only words I remember hearing were ones that will always feel like a knife in my heart, "He didn't make it." After that I remember gut-wrenching screams, watching my mom fall to the floor, and falling into the arms of whoever caught me. However the rest of the late night/early morning played out will always remain a bit blurry to me, because all I could do was cling to the shoes and jacket that the doctors brought out to us. Clothing that had been on my living and breathing daddy only minutes before.

365 days later I am still as heartbroken as I was the moment I heard the news. I have never cried so many tears, lain awake so many hours, dreamed so many nightmares, or felt pain so biting that it takes your next breath away. Remembering these memories are all that I have left, for the unknown years that I still have to live without my daddy. I would give anything to go back, feel his arms wrapped around me, his kiss on my cheek, and hear the last words he ever spoke to me, only to say good-bye one final time.

Daddy, this evening will be dedicated to you, your life, your love, your dreams, and your accomplishments. I will never forget all of the life that I shared with you. I love you more that words will ever speak.

I'll see you soon,
Brittany

Whoaaa Life!

Wow!! What a crazy and eventful week it has been already and it's only Wednesday! School has me running all over the place (trying to cram it all in in only 3 days has been nice, but pretty stressful too!), I'm in cheerleader-mode, which means I eat, think, and sleep cheers, stunts, motions, practice schedules and all of that jazz, plus throwing in family time and seeing friends = quite a crazy life:), but I wouldn't have it any other way!! It seems like lately I've realized how fast life is flying by and how I wish at times that I could just pull back on the reigns and slow it all down so that I could enjoy it more, but I don't have that privilege unfortunately..
Me, Bay, & Bri taking a ride in Courtney's new car!!

My "little" cousin, Courtney, and her new car; going for a ride:)

Us girls after another successful tourney @ Holy Family two weekends ago!

I also began tutoring these two precious girls this evening, which will continue for another 3-4 weeks! They just make my heart smile:)

Hope everyone is having a great week!!

~JM~

What makes me smile..

Ever have those days where it's soo easy to be in a bad mood, feel sorry for yourself, and all you can think about is going back home, shutting the door, and wonder what exactly made you get outta bed on the wrong side?! I have these days occasionally:)... so I thought- why not think of some things that make me thankful to get out of bed each morning (in other words, what puts a smile on my face).

Here is what I came up with:

Laughter to make me strong...

sunshine to pierce the darkness..

desserts to keep me sweet:) or to satisfy my never-ending sweet tooth!!!
music that excites a passion..

Family to spread my wings... but also to catch me when I fall... friends that give me life..

And prayer to always remind me what my knees are for..

~JM~

Canada Fishing Trip

My daddy, loving life!!

Absolutely breath-taking!!!

Fishing group!

His outfit cracks me up- he wore those boots with everything!!!


I love you, dad...

A dear friend and fellow employer, Nelson, was going through some files on a K&K computer one day and found some of these pictures that were taken a few years ago of some work buddies on a fishing trip in Canada. He was even nice enough to send them to me:) Thank you, Nelson!!

I do treasure any pictures taken, but especially ones of my dad (even though it's hard to look at them for very long) because there will never be anymore added to my collection, and 25 years from now (God-willing) when I'm old and gray:) I'll be able to pull these out and the memories will come flooding back into my heart so that I may share them with my kids and furthur on down the line... I'm really into that family history stuff if you can't tell!!

~JM~

Amazing God

How can a year come to pass without the love of one you need so much... while some days seem to tick minute by minute, others pass with the blink of an eye. I can't explain the heaviness that has been laid on my heart to know that the anniversary is looming ahead of me in a few weeks. It seems like yesterday I was holding on to the hands that I had to let go of forever and in a few tomorrows it will become a distant memory that gets harder and harder to reach. My heart is fighting of what I need to let go of, and what I want to hold on to.

I had a really neat experience that happened to me over the weekend.. As I was sitting beside my dad's grave one evening, I noticed the quiet of the world, the harshness of the wind, the strike of the wind chimes we placed beside his tombstone, and the dark of night...and in that moment I felt so alone, like I was hurting without a nearby soul around to know an ounce of my loss.... and right that second, the wind picked up speed, the wind chimes completely stopped, they didn't even sway, and I felt this overwhelming peace like I could've reached out and touched it- my heart became still because all I could feel was that peace surrounding me in a love that knew no end. I keep forgetting that God feels and knows our pain no matter where we are; I will never be alone in my suffering even though it's very, very tough most of the time...

I found this song called Peace Be Still by Rush of Fools that I absolutely love!! Here are some of the lyrics:

Come to Me,
you who are weak
Let My strength be yours tonight
Come and rest,
let My love be your bed
Let My heart be yours tonight

Peace be still,
Peace be still
Please be still and know that I am God

~JM~