Letter to Daddy - Sent with love

Dear Daddy,

With November right around the corner I've been starting to have these thoughts again. Thoughts of the last day. Getting the phone call. Things I wish I would've done differently. Wishing I would have stayed on the phone with you for just a little while longer that last day. But then I'm knocked back into reality and I realize that what's done is done... there is no going back, no last hug, no last "I love you," no last goodbye. I know exactly what you would be telling me right now- you would tell me that it's okay to move on, actually you would probably make sure that I do. You always hated seeing me hurt and I always knew that look you got in your eyes when you were wishing you could protect me from all the pain in this world, but instead you would stand beside me through it all. Now I'm just having trouble remembering to look up instead of to my right or left- where you should still be. I know I am not God and that I do not see the bigger picture right now, but at times my memory makes me hurt more than less. I'm still learning... Learning to be still when my mind wants to wonder thru all of the 'what ifs,' learning to cling to someone else instead of bottling it up, learning that my heart will never fully mend, and learning that missing you will never get easier. In all of my life lessons, this is the one area you never prepared me for- you never taught me how to live without you, probably because you never thought I would have to. I know all of this may seem silly to you, with you being in Heaven and all, but sometimes it feels good just to get all of this stuff off my chest. It really weighs me down at times. Having said all of this, I just wanted to tell you that I love you so, so much and I miss you with a pain that I've never known before. As many years as I continue to age, I will never forget your memory, or the love that you always gave me even though I didn't always deserve it. I want to thank you for not only being a father, but also a friend and so many other things to me. Words will never express how thankful I am that God allowed you to be my daddy for 19 years. And don't worry, I'll 'have fun and be safe' as you always told me before I left.

Can't wait to see you again... Love your daughter, Brittany.

Life the past month and a half

Concerts..

Shooting a music video with Jason Clutter!!

Volleyball games..

and more volleyball games...


Friends :)

Mud Volleyball 2010

High School buddies ;)

And growing baby bumps!!!!! (Regina & Danielle)

School has been in full swing for 7 weeks and it seems that life has a way of flying by without much time to sit back and reflect on what all is going on around me!! I would much rather be busy than bored though, because business keeps my sad thoughts at bay (November will mark 2 years that my dad has been gone- unbelievable). Lately I've been very busy with school, Praxis II stuff, graduation requirements, the girls' volleyball games, trying to find time to fit into 2 teenage lives (key word: trying), and all the other busy stuff everyday life entails...

About 4 weeks ago, I started working at the Children's Center at USI for a couple hours, three times a week, and although it's been difficult learning the ropes, there is this one experience that keeps popping into my head and it keeps me going... The 2's Room recently got a new little girl who had trouble adjusting and wasn't comfortable being touched, or near other adults besides her parents. This little girl came in, clinging to her daddy, not wanting to let go. I could see fear written all over her face. He introduced her to us and set her down on the steps, trying to fade into the background. She immediately sat in the corner and kept to herself. I just watched her for a little while... we would make eye contact every few seconds and then she would glance away. Ater a few minutes I went and sat on the steps, a few feet away from her, and started talking about things in the room or whatever came to mind and just let her listen. After a few more minutes I moved to the bottom of the steps... a few minutes after that, she came down the stairs too. She looked a little wobbly climbing down those stairs, so I slowly reached out my hand to her, she looked at me for a minute, and then she took it!!! Her dad was standing furthur back and I could tell he was excited. He told me he was very suprised she reached out for me and that she seemed comfortable around me for some reason. She was my little buddy for the rest of the day.

That experience is what makes teaching so exciting for me- it's that one child that no one can seem to get to or understand and by one simple gesture of kindness, all of that fear of letting someone in is gone. It's one of the most amazing feelings...