Letter to Daddy - Sent with love

Dear Daddy,

With November right around the corner I've been starting to have these thoughts again. Thoughts of the last day. Getting the phone call. Things I wish I would've done differently. Wishing I would have stayed on the phone with you for just a little while longer that last day. But then I'm knocked back into reality and I realize that what's done is done... there is no going back, no last hug, no last "I love you," no last goodbye. I know exactly what you would be telling me right now- you would tell me that it's okay to move on, actually you would probably make sure that I do. You always hated seeing me hurt and I always knew that look you got in your eyes when you were wishing you could protect me from all the pain in this world, but instead you would stand beside me through it all. Now I'm just having trouble remembering to look up instead of to my right or left- where you should still be. I know I am not God and that I do not see the bigger picture right now, but at times my memory makes me hurt more than less. I'm still learning... Learning to be still when my mind wants to wonder thru all of the 'what ifs,' learning to cling to someone else instead of bottling it up, learning that my heart will never fully mend, and learning that missing you will never get easier. In all of my life lessons, this is the one area you never prepared me for- you never taught me how to live without you, probably because you never thought I would have to. I know all of this may seem silly to you, with you being in Heaven and all, but sometimes it feels good just to get all of this stuff off my chest. It really weighs me down at times. Having said all of this, I just wanted to tell you that I love you so, so much and I miss you with a pain that I've never known before. As many years as I continue to age, I will never forget your memory, or the love that you always gave me even though I didn't always deserve it. I want to thank you for not only being a father, but also a friend and so many other things to me. Words will never express how thankful I am that God allowed you to be my daddy for 19 years. And don't worry, I'll 'have fun and be safe' as you always told me before I left.

Can't wait to see you again... Love your daughter, Brittany.