Christmas is in the Air!!

Christmas is my absolute favorite season- hands down!! I love the music, the decorations, the lights, the warmth that people seem to carry around, and of course the FOOD:)! So mom and I decided to start day 1 of Christmas decorating. We got the downstairs tree up and few other decorations throughout the basement. But there is still so much to do- the upstairs and all of the outside stuff! We definitely feel the missing hand that we used to have around.. It's a lot of work with only 2 people!!

Last weekend, me and a few friends went to see these old railroad tracks and it was soo neat!!Me & Regina on the tracks- trying not to look down!!!

Let me just say, I found out how out of shape I was when trying to climb the hill to the top:)!!!

Soo neat!!

** Oh Beautiful Star of Bethlehem by The Judds was my dad and I's FAVORITE Christmas song!! I love the blog background that I found to go along with it:)

~JM~

Address in the Stars/ Lucky Man

I stumbled across your picture today- I could barely breath. The moment stopped me cold, grabbed me like a thief. I dialed your number, but you wouldn't be there. I knew the whole time, but it's still not fair... I just wanted to hear your voice, I just needed to hear your voice.
What do I do with all I need to say?? So much I wanna tell you everyday. Oh it breaks my heart, I cry these tears in the dark. I write these letters to you, but they get lost in the blue,
'Cause there's no address in the stars...

Address in the Stars- Caitlyn & Will

With Thanksgiving coming up, I started thinking about thankfulness and how easy it is to forget about all that we have and how lucky we really are. Last night as I was driving home, I heard this song by Montgomery Gentry, and for some reason it reminded me of my dad so vividly. It seems that every verse in the song related to him, or he'd said it himself. One thing that I always loved about him was his knowledge of what he had. Yes, there were many days when his thoughts were caught in "paying this bill, saving for our schooling, fixing this, or having to buy that," but at the end of the day, when he would come in from working outside, he would always wrap his arms around us, find our smiles, tell us how special we were, and like a lightbulb, a soft smile would appear on his face almost as if he were thinking, "Man, look at what all I have; I'm a pretty lucky guy."

In his dedication- "Lucky Man" by Montgomery Gentry
*(make sure your volume is turned on:))

All I Ask For Anymore

When I was a baby, I asked to be fed, held, and loved...

When I was a toddler, I asked for attention, learning new things, creating messes, and being rocked to sleep by momma & daddy...

When I was a young girl, I asked to sleep in the middle, for too many barbies & dolls, for someone to play dress-up, and for my parents to be at every gymnastics practice, volleyball and softball game, field trip, and anything else that involved ME:)

When I was a teenager, I asked for cars, prom dresses, more clothes, high heels, new make-up, expensive haircuts, vacations, anything that involved spending money.... I asked for praise, to be told I was right even when I knew I was wrong, to never get in trouble when walking in the door late at night, and for financial support for whatever dreams I had of the future.... I expected every dream to come true and never dreamt of losing anything...

At 20 years old, I ask for protection of my precious sisters and my mom, for their good health, longevity, their love, acceptance, wisdom, advice, and assurance that, "it's gonna be okay and we'll make it." I ask for these things because that's all that matters anymore.

It seems that sometimes we have to lose something before we can see the special life that we were given, and how easily that special life can be gone in the blink of an eye.

~JM~

*LoVe LiVeS oN*

Can you say "hectic life" for me?! Wake up at 6:30 a.m., sub at school from 8-3, cheer practice from 3-6, drive back to Evansville, do homework from 7:30-9, play volleyball at 10:15, go to bed, wake up and start another day:)Whew!!! That wears me out..(p.s. I'm using my homework time to blog:)) So needless to say, tonight is going to be short and sweet!

I heard this song on the radio a couple days ago by a new country artist named, Mallory Hope, and I couldn't have written a song more truthful had I tried!! She sings about losing a loved one and still waking up in the morning trying to "feel" them, making an extra plate without realizing it, and the quietness that seems to be behind each room, and as I listened I just thought, "Wow", she put my exact feelings into this beautiful song that gave me chills as tears streamed down my face! Even though we may lose all that is important, love lives on in their memories, in the smile that still flashes thru your head, in the funny jokes you still laugh at, and in the millions of ways that they are still in your life. Their love will always be there... because love lives Forever...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ri9ihQsiDQ4&NR=1

and even though i cry like crazy

even though it hurts so bad

i'm thankful for the time God gave me

even though we couldn't make it last

i'm learning how to live without you

even though i don't want to

and even with you gone

love lives on...

~JM~

In Memory (pictures)

One year in Heaven..

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Tonight (or this morning) at 1 a.m. will be the one-year mark that I've lived without my dad. He passed away on the way home from a Colts game from a massive heart attack (Martinsville, IN). Us three girls and my mom were sleeping downstairs in the living room when we got a phone call at 12:30 a.m. I woke up, shook mom and asked, "Who would be calling at this time at night?" She replied, "Oh it's probably just dad calling on his way home." I went back to sleep and let mom answer the phone. During that time mom found out that dad had had a heart attack and that we needed to get to the hospital as soon as possible. When asked how bad it was, the only answer we got from anyone was, "They're working on him." The whole way to the hospital, us 4 sat in the back of the car, crying, praying, and holding on to the little piece of hope we had, that our family would be reunited soon. I envisioned running into that hospital, knocking down anyone that got in my way, squeezing my dad so tight, and telling him how very much I loved him. As we pulled into the ER garage and walked through the sliding doors, three doctors stood waiting to give us news that would forever separate our family. The only words I remember hearing were ones that will always feel like a knife in my heart, "He didn't make it." After that I remember gut-wrenching screams, watching my mom fall to the floor, and falling into the arms of whoever caught me. However the rest of the late night/early morning played out will always remain a bit blurry to me, because all I could do was cling to the shoes and jacket that the doctors brought out to us. Clothing that had been on my living and breathing daddy only minutes before.

365 days later I am still as heartbroken as I was the moment I heard the news. I have never cried so many tears, lain awake so many hours, dreamed so many nightmares, or felt pain so biting that it takes your next breath away. Remembering these memories are all that I have left, for the unknown years that I still have to live without my daddy. I would give anything to go back, feel his arms wrapped around me, his kiss on my cheek, and hear the last words he ever spoke to me, only to say good-bye one final time.

Daddy, this evening will be dedicated to you, your life, your love, your dreams, and your accomplishments. I will never forget all of the life that I shared with you. I love you more that words will ever speak.

I'll see you soon,
Brittany