Tonight I'm writing with a heart full of confusion. Confusion in myself, in my heart, and in my head. I don't understand the emotions going thru me, or the reasons why i'm feeling this way. I guess I should start at the beginning so you can understand where I'm coming from. (This is taking a lot of strength in me to be so open and share this with the 'blogger world' but something in my heart is telling me to write, so here I am).
About 4 months ago, I met someone that I started to fall for quickly. I loved his personality, his work ethic, and his way of loving life and all of that combined intrigued me to find out more about him, and who he was as a person. Along the way, there were red flags that I didn't understand, and I shrugged them off because I thought I knew him and what I was doing, but in the end I was completely mistaken. The more I got to know him, the more I believed this lie that he was feeding me about who he was, and the lies that I kept telling my heart. On July 5th all of these lies came out; I understood why I was feeling these uncertainties with him, and why I kept shrugging them off. In the end, he was not only dating me, but seeing 2 others on the side, and lying to me throughout it all. The good thing that I've learned since then is that I should listen to the 'red flags' going through my head and allow them to question my heart, and my intentions. I am happy to say that I'm completely done with that whole mess and my heart has since moved on.
Present Day: Last night, I went on a date with a guy that is perfect in almost every way. He's respectful, thoughtful, funny, caring, goal-oriented, and the list could go on and on.... Last night he did everything right; from planning the date without any input from me, to dropping me off and walking me to the front door with every good intention of doing it again. The only problem was, I felt that something was missing. I don't know what it was because this guy has everything I want in someone, but my heart felt empty. I cried myself to sleep wondering what was wrong with me... Here is this perfect guy that would treat me like a queen, and I feel completely shut down by the entire situation. Here is someone that would date me, and only me, and I don't want it. I guess what I'm feeling now is that I'm scared that I'm searching for something that isn't real, or that I'll never find it. I feel like something is wrong with me for not wanting to give this a chance, but I just can't help it.
I hope by this point you don't think I'm crazy. I guess what I need right now is a little prayer, or maybe a piece of advice so that I know I'm normal to feel this way:) Thank you for understanding, fellow bloggers.
Lots of love,
Brittany
6 comments:
i think your heart has been heart before (and recently) and it's probably feeling that way to protect itself. give yourself time! but if you really aren't feeling it that's OKAY!!! even if he is the "perfect guy" he might not be YOUR perfect guy, but i have faith you will find him!
It happens all over the world. Everyday. We(women)like the unknown, the irrational, the sophisticated en intriging.
YOU are very very normal.
Believe in 'the flags*' they are ALWAYS right. ALWAYS.
*The 'flags' are your soul talking to your mind. Trust it.
Irmã Fábia.
Britt - you are an amazing girl with such a big heart, and God is working on one special man for you as we speak!! I really believe that God continually works on your future partner and you...until you are both at the perfect spot in your lives to meet each other!
And when you meet him you will know...you will understand why all these other guys weren't "IT!" There will be no red flags, no doubts, no fears. Just hang in there, honey - God has the perfect man out there for you, and He ALWAYS has perfect timing:) Love you honey!
I am so sorry you got hurt like that! It is so painful when you think you know someone and then find out the total opposite. As I was reading your post I was so impressed that you were looking for all those good qualities in guys and not just their physical appearance. But you didn't mention the most important thing? Does he live for Christ?Is he a real Christian with Godly morals? Believe me, from experience, this is important! Take care and chin up....there's nothing "wrong" with you girl!
I am sad to hear that a guy did that to you!! Nobody should tell lies!!! I know sometimes we may be so into a guy and think none of those things we are feeling or hearing are true. We may be caught up in the moment and blinded at the time. But now that you are over that other guy and have meet this great guy he may not be the one for you. I know as much as you wish your feelings were stronger for him they may not be. Or it may not be the right time. Has it been very long since your previous relationship? I know it is frustrating when you meet a guy that is "perfect" but you just don't feel it in your heart. Follow your heart and maybe you just need some time. You are a sweet girl and I know that guy is out there!!! He will be one lucky guy to have you:)
It's hard to recognize "lies" sometimes because as you know Satan has a good way of hiding them! As women, we try not to be “that jealous girlfriend or wife”, but it comes to a point where you have to see those red flags and know something’s wrong. You are very mature Brittany for your age, it really amazes me! You will learn from this and although it may leave a scar, you will move on.
As for this new fella, it may be too soon for you to be in a serious relationship and give your heart and trust into someone else. Sometimes it's what you "need" to move on, and sometimes it's not. Like someone else mentioned, there is a man out there for you that God is molding into your future husband and maybe this guy is him, but he also may make another girl lucky =) Don’t feel like if you don’t snatch him up now, he’s the last nice guy out there….b/c I can tell you he’s not! Not all men are liars and not all men are nice, but you are already learning great qualities to look for!
I know one thing I've learned in my past is not to put someone into that stereotype of what you think you need .....because you will always find the opposite LOL Trust me! I thought I knew what I needed in a husband, and boy did God prove me wrong! I married a man completely opposite of what I thought….but I wouldn’t change a thing about him! God truly knows the desires of our heart!
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