Blue Prints

My cousin, Paige, Larryn, & I at the bday party...

Mark & I at his bday party!!

Me, Bri, & Bay after many long hours of basketball... :)

Briona Janise Miller

Baleigh Jalene Miller

This weekend was filled with lots of basketball and very little sleep! Friday night, mom and I had just fallen asleep and the phone rang... Grandma was having major problems with her eyes (she had just had cataract surgery the previous week) and we didn't know what to do, so we both went over there around 2 a.m. to figure something out. Come to find out the doctor was in Louisville for the night so she had to suffer thru the pain for the rest of the early morning. Luckily my aunt works at Wabash Eye Center so she was able to get her the needed medication before seeing the doctor. We finally got everything settled a few hours later, fell into bed, and woke up in time for the early games in Vincennes. Briona & Baleigh ended up playing at the exact same times for the morning and afternoon games, so mom & I had to split up and switch games so we could both watch one of Bri's and one of Bay's...... talk about missing dad. Sitting in the bleachers and cheering on the little girls without him just seems wrong. I can't even fully describe the emotions that were in my heart- pure aching is probably the closest I can come to explaining it. I know it isn't right to think this way, but so many times my heart just wants to scream out, "Why God???? Why him; why us??? And why NOW??" I know I will never fully understand why this happened or why our broken family has to trudge thru the struggles of this life without the backbone of our family, but I do know this: God's ways are not my ways and I can only see this tragedy thru my eyes, not His... I'm holding on to the fact that this is all part of a bigger plan; kind of like dad's blue prints for one of the houses he used to map out, but instead of being able to flip thru every page myself and see every angle drawn out, I can only see one angle, my angle here on Earth. God has drawn the blue prints for my life... now I have to allow Him to turn the pages on His timing, not mine.

Who am I

To understand your ways

Who am I

To give you anything but praise

Who am I

To try and solve the mystery

Behind the heart and soul of all that I believe

Who am I

-Point of Grace

~JM~