Memorial Weekend & Graduation

Memorial weekend was a blast- I spent most of my time at the Boat Club, and the rest of it with my cousin, Cassondra, who graduated from B-R on Saturday!! We had her graduation pary at our house on Sunday, and even though we got a little rain it turned out to be a very successful party:)!! I've been going CRAZY without a camera- I traded my camera in for a different one that I liked better and it should be shipped any day now, but 14 days without one is enough for me to begin getting a little impatient! Here are a few pics that I did manage to get from some girls that were taken over the weekend...

Some of us girls taken after one of our late-night rhino rides!

Me & Mal making some smores!

Cherlyn, me, & Regina taking a lap on the ranger!

Let's just say that we got a little side-tracked on our way out to the boat club:)!!


I love these two dearly!!
On Monday, mom & I took some girls shopping for Briona's 14th birthday and we had quite an episode on the way home!:) I'll just say that we had a good time- I love spending time with those girls!!

I don't have a picture of Cassondra & I in her cap and gown, so this will have to do for now:)

Prom 2009

Brittany & Cassondra.. best friends! :) (1992)


Family
by Glenda Campbell

There's a special kind of closeness that only families know,

That begins with childhood trust and deepens as you grow.

There's a special kind of happiness in sharing little things,

The laughter, smiles, and quiet talks that daily living brings.

There's a special kind of comfort in knowing your family's there,

To back you up, to cheer you up, to understand and care.

Of all the treasures life may bring, your family means the most,

And whether near or far apart,

That love will hold you close.

I love you, daddy.

My Bucket List

1. Learn to play the guitar. This has always been a dream of mine and I hope that it will finally become true this summer!


2. Travel to other countries. I traveled to France & Spain my sophomore year of high school, but I feel that I wasted the opportunity because I was too young to actually appreciate what I was seeing. I'll make up for it one of these days! :)


3. Read the Bible from beginning to end. I've tried reading Genesis to Revelation before but I always get stuck in the middle and end up reading passages out of order. I know that as long as I'm reading I'm still getting the message- I just think it would be cool to say I actually did it!


4.Visit all 50 states! This one may take a little longer than the rest, but again, just the fact of saying I've visited every state in the country has always been a dream of mine! I've been to 14- I've still got a ways to go! :)


5. Do mission work! I love the feeling of laying down at night and feeling like I've actually made a difference in a life, no matter how small. I've done some mission work in Alabama, Arizona, & Illinois and I fell in love with it!


6. Find a teaching job close to home- preferably B-R :)! 2 more years and I'll be more than ready to begin my career.


7. Raise a family. One glance at a chubby-cheeked smile and my heart is stolen! I've always dreamed of having a big family :)


8. Swim with dolphins. Dolphins are by far my favorite animal in the world! They always seem to free my spirit, take my worries away, and remind me of the beauty of God's creation.


9. Go horse-back riding on the beach. When I see this in movies, I get so jealous!! It looks so fun!


10. Ride in a hot-air balloon.


11. Finish my journal/book. I started this journal when I was 18 and I basically just started out by writing down my favorite verses, quotes, dreams and stories. Then I started writing some family history and the mistakes of my past. It's really helped me to understand who I am as a person and what I want out of life- I've been able to find myself by sharing my heart. I hope that one day I can pass this on to my children so that they may understand what life is all about, and maybe learn from my mistakes! :)


12. Study my family history. Family history has always intrigued me! I think I started making my first family tree when I was in Jr. High- I know I'm weird:) But I've recently borrowed a few HUGE books from my grandma about the Wagler Family History, and hopefully I can find a few from the Miller side soon. I love understanding how life was like back then, who they were, and where I came from- so interesting!!!




As I was laying down the other night, thinking about dad of course, I remembered him talking about the movie, The Bucket List, and how it portrayed the fact that life is short and that we only get one chance to live it, so why not live it to its fullest. I can look back on my life and honestly say that in some things I have only given 50% of my heart in what I do; He have 150%. And as I realized that fact, I wanted that 50% life no longer. I want to be more like he was. It's amazing that while he was here I always admired the way he lived his life, but I never completely put my heart into things the way he did, and now that he's gone I want nothing more than to be exactly like him. I don't want to look back on my life one day and wonder why I didn't make the best of things while I had the chance, so I decided to write down the dreams I've had for many, many years- and I have finally decided to go after them. Although he may not be here to help me accomplish my dreams, he will always be a part of them as long as I have breath- and no matter what people think about me or how rocky the road gets, I know that nothing will be able to separate the bond that we'll always share in my heart. And if I've learned anything from this big mess I have learned this- He lived one heck of a life:)!!

This was one of the best vacations we took with my mom's side of the family! (June '07)

I love you daddy,

My Prayer

Jess's Party.

Me & Gina at Williams Dam Jessica Beasley's Bachelorette Party!!

Thursday evening as I was walking back from the mailbox and flipping thru the mail, I saw a letter from the IOPO (Indiana Organ Procurement Organization) and I quickly tore open the envelope. Inside was a letter from the organization saying that a woman had received a life-enhancing graft transplant because of dad's donation. She was 17 years old and in need of tissue for her knee- and she got it. As much as I was honored to receive a letter knowing that my dad is still helping people because of his decision to donate, I was hurt all the more. As I thought about her life and mine, I thought of the small ways that we are now connected, but how different our lives are. I don't know much of her background, other than what she wrote in the letter, but for one split second I felt jealous of her. I know her knee has caused some hurt in her life, but it was only temporary, unlike mine. I'm not going to sit here and complain about what has been taken from me because unfortunately we all know what loss feels like, but at the same time it feels sooooo unfair. Waking up every morning with worry, hurt, pain, sorrow, and depression knocking on my door has been enough to beat me down this week- I feel bruised, helpless, and misunderstood. As my dad becomes further and further from me, I feel the sorrow engraving a little deeper with each passing day, because now I'm beginning to see the picture of my life without him, of our family's life without him, and at times it's enough for me to want to lock myself in a closet and never come out again. I don't want that and I won't do it because I know that no matter where I go the pain is still going to be there. But the thought of it will always be there. So for the time being, this is the prayer that is on my heart night & day.

Father,

Bind us together so that we may fight for life, peace and happiness.

Build my strength so that I may be that rock for the two best friends that I will ever know and please keep them near to you, for I know that the love of a father conquers all- you are the only Father that they now have.

Give us understanding so that we may not grow bitter and allow our hearts to love again.

Give us hope in the promise that you will come back for us and reunite us with the loved one that we so dearly miss.

Give us life so that we do not forget to live it, and

Give us peace so that we may learn to accept what life has brought us.

Thank you for giving me all of the joy in the world when you gave me the gift of my father's love- please allow me to share that love with all that I am.

~JM~

I miss you so much.

Mother's Day

Cassondra, Courtney, & Derek

4 generations of family! Great-Grandma Gingerich, Grandma Wagler/Armes, Jamie, Janice, Janell, and all of the grandkids :)

The grandmas and the grandkids!Great-Grandma & her great-grandchildren!

Baleigh, me, & Courtney

Mother's Day was wonderful!! Our family ate lunch at the Montgomery Park, and then came to our house for the rest of the day and evening! Today was one of those days that I just felt completely blessed inside and out. I have the strongest, loving family anyone could ever ask for. Thank you, Lord, for our health, love, and the sunshine... I felt my dad smiling down today. It is so easy to overlook the blessings that I have been given, and dwell on the negative side of things. On the days that I am broken, I let the hurt take over me and beat me down- on those days everything seems hopeless, like I'm still fighting for something that has already been lost. But days like today build my strength. I have to learn to let go, and let God. Letting go is something that I have never been good at- I want hold the reigns and steer my life in the direction that I think it should go, but on days like November 3rd I remember that I am only a passenger. God should be the one holding the reigns for my life, not me.

I hope everyone had a blessed Mother's Day!! I love you, Mom!!!!

~JM~

My Sister, My Friend

Summer is finally here for me- I've been waiting on this day for way too long! Being home and with my family is where my heart is and always will be. Now I understand why I was blessed with such a loving and devoted family- God knew that us girls would have to go on without the only man in our lives, and how we'll ever make it, I don't know. Life just isn't as joyful anymore, and some of my heart feels like it will never heal, no matter how much time passes by. One special day I will know the reason- that's all that I can fall on for right now. But for the time being, I have two very special girls that God has so kindly blessed me with; they bring the biggest smile to my face and I love them with every inch of my heart. Spending the summer running around with them and my mom will be wonderful :) this is what I've waited on for the past 6 long months of my life. I found this beautiful poem that I thought I would share and dedicate to the sunshines of my life :)!

My Sister, My Friend

by Leanne Stiegman

To me you are an angel in disguise,

full of intuition, intelligent, and wise.

Always giving, helping me thru the good and bad-

you are the best friends I have ever had.

If I had one wish it would surely be,

to give you as much as you've given me.

Though I've put our relationship through some cloudy days,

you've been my sunshine in so many ways.

Through trials and tests, right by me you stood,

and gave me your hand whenever you could.

Thank you so much my sisters, my friends,

my love for you both will never reach an end.

The picture above is going to be engraved on my dad's tombstone- my mom had the neat idea!! I'll add a picture of the stone when it's finished, although I wouldn't mind if it took them a little longer than normal to complete it...

~JM~

Let Me Be There

Where ever you go, wherever you may wander in your life

Surely you know, I always want to be there

Holding your hand, and standing by to catch you when you fall

Seeing you thru- in everything you do...

Let me be there in your morning, let me be there in your night

Let me take whatever's wrong and make it right

Let me take you to that wonderland where only we can go,

All I ask you- Is let me be there....

Ever since I was a little girl, my mom played this song for me. I used to beg and beg for her to play it- and I still do. I don't know what it is about that song; it just hits home for me I guess. She started playing this song when she was 16 and we still have the original sheet music for it, except for the two pages missing right out of the middle. So for most of the song, she plays by memory. Anyways, since my dad has been gone, this song has really touched my heart in a special kind of way. At times it feels like a wind blowing across my heart and I hear, "Brittany, let me be there." I guess the reason this song has touched me in such a unique way is because for 6 months I've been thinking that my dad can't be there for me unless he's physically here in my life, but that is the farthest thing from the truth that I've ever believed. Because he's here right now-in my heart and soul, in my strengths and weaknesses, in my accomplishments and failures, in my mind and my dreams... I can let him be there in my memory, and in all that I do and say. All I have to do is let him be there in his own way, now that he's no longer here to hug away the pain.

I love you, daddy, and I will forever let you be there for me until the day that I can run and jump into your arms while you swing me around, once I reach the gates of Heaven.

With all that I am,

~JM~