My Prayer

Jess's Party.

Me & Gina at Williams Dam Jessica Beasley's Bachelorette Party!!

Thursday evening as I was walking back from the mailbox and flipping thru the mail, I saw a letter from the IOPO (Indiana Organ Procurement Organization) and I quickly tore open the envelope. Inside was a letter from the organization saying that a woman had received a life-enhancing graft transplant because of dad's donation. She was 17 years old and in need of tissue for her knee- and she got it. As much as I was honored to receive a letter knowing that my dad is still helping people because of his decision to donate, I was hurt all the more. As I thought about her life and mine, I thought of the small ways that we are now connected, but how different our lives are. I don't know much of her background, other than what she wrote in the letter, but for one split second I felt jealous of her. I know her knee has caused some hurt in her life, but it was only temporary, unlike mine. I'm not going to sit here and complain about what has been taken from me because unfortunately we all know what loss feels like, but at the same time it feels sooooo unfair. Waking up every morning with worry, hurt, pain, sorrow, and depression knocking on my door has been enough to beat me down this week- I feel bruised, helpless, and misunderstood. As my dad becomes further and further from me, I feel the sorrow engraving a little deeper with each passing day, because now I'm beginning to see the picture of my life without him, of our family's life without him, and at times it's enough for me to want to lock myself in a closet and never come out again. I don't want that and I won't do it because I know that no matter where I go the pain is still going to be there. But the thought of it will always be there. So for the time being, this is the prayer that is on my heart night & day.

Father,

Bind us together so that we may fight for life, peace and happiness.

Build my strength so that I may be that rock for the two best friends that I will ever know and please keep them near to you, for I know that the love of a father conquers all- you are the only Father that they now have.

Give us understanding so that we may not grow bitter and allow our hearts to love again.

Give us hope in the promise that you will come back for us and reunite us with the loved one that we so dearly miss.

Give us life so that we do not forget to live it, and

Give us peace so that we may learn to accept what life has brought us.

Thank you for giving me all of the joy in the world when you gave me the gift of my father's love- please allow me to share that love with all that I am.

~JM~

I miss you so much.