Let the rain fall...

God himself will be with them; he will wipe every tear from their eyes. -Revelation 21:3-4
I woke up this morning to the pouring rain, and I knew this verse was very true. Today I feel that God is mourning my loss with me- I am not alone in my sorrow. He knows how much I am hurting and today He decided to show me that He understands my loss. There are days like today that I feel I cannot go on with my life knowing that my dad will never again be a part of it. It is so easy to put on a smile and remember what it feels like to laugh when I am surrounded by people that know how to go on with their lives- but when I am alone, the reality smacks me in the face. I will never get to know my father any better, the memories that I have now are the only ones that I will have for the rest of my life- we will never make any new ones. It is so hard for me to believe this... at times I can feel myself seeking denial just so my heart can have rest for a moment. The only thing that keeps waking me up morning after morning is the Wonder of God. I believe that God allows me to hit rock-bottom everday just so I see that I can stand up again. He does not leave me there for long- I feel Him pick me up and open my eyes once again. And once He does, I can feel the 'real' me slowly seep back into place.
Nothing else will be able to lift me up besides the love of my Savior. As long as I only allow Him to keep picking me up, I will live. Everyday He allows me to walk a little furthur, and find comfort a little longer. Right now, I am relying on the plans He has for me. Obviously He does not want me beside my daddy yet- God wants me to fulfill the plans He has for me. If that means bringing glory to His name thru my times of trial- I will do it. My God is an awesome God...

I have the Phillips, Craig, & Dean Cd in my car right now and the song "Voice of the Lord" has really opened my eyes to the wonder of God.

Whose voice is this that has called me from darkness
And chose me before the foundation was laid
Whose voice is this, that calls me beloved
And tells me I’m free, and my debt has been paid
Who's voice is full of wonder
And majesty untold
And whose voice is this that is calling his children
To rise up and praise him with great shouts of joy
The voice of the Lord Is calling his children
The voice of the Lord Is shaking the earth
The voice of the Lord echoes like thunder
Is awesome in glory, Hear;
Hear the voice of the Lord

~JM~