Trying to Live

I'm finally home on Christmas break with my family and I couldn't be happier!!!! It feels like I've waited forever just to be home- in my comfort zone. I finished school at 6 p.m. Thursday night and completed my Christmas shopping on the way home, so it was a late night for me! Saturday morning came way too early for me (they always do) and I knew it would be long! Baleigh had a game @ 10 at South Knox and Briona played @ 1 at Pike Central-- I think it was around 5 before mom & I finally got home!! It seems so empty without dad driving us to the game, and hearing his voice encouraging the little girls... So many times I just break thinking about all of the life we'll have to live thru without him. I know it's not good to think so far ahead, but he was such a part of my life- how can I not?? I know God has a plan for our family and for my girls, but when I'm down I just have to wonder, "God, don't you realize how young we are--how much we still needed him?" Everytime I walk thru the house I can picture him in every room- stretched out on the couch downstairs watching tv, sitting in the living room early Sunday mornings drinking coffee and waiting on all of us girls to get ready, or laying in bed late at night when I would come home and give him a good-night kiss... that's when he would finally fall asleep, he would tell me, after he knew I was home safe. I think back to those memories of him and it doesn't seem fair that I got 6 & 7 more years of him than my sisters did... I don't know how I would've made it thru high school and my first year of college without him. I see how big of shoes I need to fill and I just fall down to my knees... we need our daddy back, and mom needs her companion again. I look back to all of the chaos while rushed in trying to plan all of the details of the funeral, and I remember reading that the funeral and services are the easy part, it's after that the grief really sets in.... now I understand exactly what that paragraph was talking about.

Morning will come too soon tomorrow, it always does!! The girls & I are cleaning, wrapping gifts and making gingerbread houses tomorrow so it will be a fun day for us to spend some time together (well, minus the cleaning!). Please continue to keep us in your prayers throughout the holidays... God Bless.