Perspective

This past Friday night as Meredith and I were coming home, we both had broken hearts, only in two different ways. I hope she doesn't mind that I'm sharing this with you, but I felt a need to. I pulled into our driveway and just sat there for a little while, trying think of the right words to say.. finally after pushing it aside, I asked her to go somewhere with me. I don't really like to take others there with me because I understand that it may seem cold and depressing, but to me- it's where I find myself again. I parked the car at the end of the lot and asked her to wait in the car for just a few mintues. As I walked down to the place where my strong daddy was laid to rest, everything in me just broke. For the past month all I've ever wanted was to feel his arms around me just once more... to feel his rough hands guide me thru life once again or hear his voice... just once!! I knelt down beside the mound of dirt that keeps him from me and cried. Cried for the beautiful life we used to share, for our journey that will never go on, and for the continuous ache that will never leave me. How can the man that was invincable to me, be gone in the blink of an eye, with no warning, no last good-bye, nothing... just gone- forever. And I'm left behind trying to find the pieces of my shattered heart that will never completely fit like they did before.
Once I was back in the car, Meredith said, "Thank you- i needed that." At first I didn't understand, but she explained it like this- "Seeing you walk down there just broke my heart. It puts everything into perspective- what really matter in life and what doesn't."
So many times I find myself getting caught up in the 'stupid' stuff that will someday not matter. I can catch myself thinking that this is my home and what I am to others is so important- 19 years of worrying myself sick over the little things that will not benefit my life once it is over, because this is not my home- my real home is in heaven with my daddy and Savior.

Please say a prayer for my mom tomorrow- she is having surgery early tomorrow morning!!