Smile?

This weekend was a rather eventful one! Friday night Cherlyn & I went to Bloomington with some friends to eat and shop, Saturday night I went with some girls to the Kenny Chesney concert in Louisville, and Sunday lunch was at grandma's (yum!!) and then all of the grand kids came back here to swim! Did I forget to mention that we also had 30 teenage kids here Sunday evening for Briona's 14th birthday?! I cannot believe she is 14 years old; I still catch myself calling her & Baleigh the "little girls". That's what mom, dad, and I always referred to them as and now when I ask mom where the little girls are or if they need to be picked up here or dropped off there, I have to stop and think of how (un-little) they really are- they're bigger than me now :) but in my mind I will always see them as my little precious girls no matter what age they are! Here are a few pics from the weekend:

Regina, me, Larryn, & Cherlyn at the concert!!

Larryn & I..

Our ride to Louisville!

Courtney & Baleigh soaking up the sun!

Baleigh & I doing tricks off of the diving board (she's already under the water!)


Cassondra & I airing up the floats for the kids :)

As I was laying down for bed last night I had a couple thoughts that were on my mind and I decided to just let them out: Every time that I crack a smile I am reminded of what my smile really means. On the outside it may just seem that I smile because of my surroundings, but on the inside my smile means so much more. To me it means fighting a battle that rages on in my heart day and night, striving for acceptance instead of bitterness, showing love instead of hurt, and offering hope instead of defeat. There are many days that I wish I didn't have to smile, but God gave me this smile for a reason, and that is to show that no matter how deep a valley may seem, or how long a storm rages on I still have so many blessings to smile for. Life is still sometimes hard for me to accept, and at times I catch myself walking thru a crowd and double-glancing at a man that resembles my dad because I'm still not used to him being gone. I feel like my heart is still searching for a man that will never walk thru my door again.. but as hard as that is for me to accept, in my heart I know that he walked thru a door that offers eternal life and no matter how much I long for him to return to our home, he is already Home in the arms of the One who called him there. As easy as it is to be bitter and to claim my dad as my own, he was never mine. God created my father to bless his three girls because He knew his beautiful life with us would be short and that we would be forced to find life without the provider of our home for the remainder of our days... but God blessed me with a daddy that so many little girls dream about and I got to live that dream for 19 years. Every time he wrapped his arms around me I felt like I could conquer the world- I feel selfish, but I still want him here beside me... It just feels so unfair to think of all of my dreams that I have to conquer without him standing there and giving me that million-dollar smile and waving with his thumbs-up. It's frusterating to sit here and try to write down my feelings because my words will never be able to express the complete loss that I feel in my life... but then again, I could never fully express the love that I feel for my dad either because of how deeply it was and still is engraved on my heart. It's a bond that will never be broken because of the God we serve!! I just hope that I'm still making him proud....

I love you daddy....