One year in Heaven..

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Tonight (or this morning) at 1 a.m. will be the one-year mark that I've lived without my dad. He passed away on the way home from a Colts game from a massive heart attack (Martinsville, IN). Us three girls and my mom were sleeping downstairs in the living room when we got a phone call at 12:30 a.m. I woke up, shook mom and asked, "Who would be calling at this time at night?" She replied, "Oh it's probably just dad calling on his way home." I went back to sleep and let mom answer the phone. During that time mom found out that dad had had a heart attack and that we needed to get to the hospital as soon as possible. When asked how bad it was, the only answer we got from anyone was, "They're working on him." The whole way to the hospital, us 4 sat in the back of the car, crying, praying, and holding on to the little piece of hope we had, that our family would be reunited soon. I envisioned running into that hospital, knocking down anyone that got in my way, squeezing my dad so tight, and telling him how very much I loved him. As we pulled into the ER garage and walked through the sliding doors, three doctors stood waiting to give us news that would forever separate our family. The only words I remember hearing were ones that will always feel like a knife in my heart, "He didn't make it." After that I remember gut-wrenching screams, watching my mom fall to the floor, and falling into the arms of whoever caught me. However the rest of the late night/early morning played out will always remain a bit blurry to me, because all I could do was cling to the shoes and jacket that the doctors brought out to us. Clothing that had been on my living and breathing daddy only minutes before.

365 days later I am still as heartbroken as I was the moment I heard the news. I have never cried so many tears, lain awake so many hours, dreamed so many nightmares, or felt pain so biting that it takes your next breath away. Remembering these memories are all that I have left, for the unknown years that I still have to live without my daddy. I would give anything to go back, feel his arms wrapped around me, his kiss on my cheek, and hear the last words he ever spoke to me, only to say good-bye one final time.

Daddy, this evening will be dedicated to you, your life, your love, your dreams, and your accomplishments. I will never forget all of the life that I shared with you. I love you more that words will ever speak.

I'll see you soon,
Brittany