The Lord is my stronghold..

Well, the viewing and funeral are finally behind us. I still can't believe he is really gone, I just keep thinking he's at work or out running errands. At night is when it hits me the most- I'm so used to going upstairs to kiss him goodnight- but all I see is an empty spot that should still be filled. Me and mom have been sleeping in their bed, clinging to eachother for the strength to go on. I remember the first night we were alone without him, I thought there is absolutely no way we will ever make it through the week because mom & I were both bawling for what seemed like hours with no sleep from the night before (being in Martinsville @ the hospital) and then around 4 a.m. Monday night, my aunt & I took mom to the ER because her blood pressure was way too high and she was having panic attacks. So we went about 48 hours without any sleep!

The viewing was absolutely amazing!! He would truly be touched to know how many people loved him. I think we estimated around 1300 people going thru on Wednesday night. The funeral was so touching too; the church was packed! I want to thank everyone who made all of this possible- I have never seen so much love & support in my life. It's like God just reached down and poured his love on us.. For those that were not at the funeral, I got up to share with the congregation something I had written for my dad. The whole day my hands had been shaking and my heart was racing because I absolutely hate to get up in front of a large crowd and speak! But as soon as Shawn motioned for me to come up, I felt this peace within me, like I was no longer alone, but God was in me. He was allowing me to walk up to the podium, he gave me the strength to speak, and he allowed me not to break down completely. This is what I wrote:
I could never have asked God to bless me with a more loving and devoted father. I can still feel those strong arms wrapped around me while saying goodnight and see his proud eyes watching every step I took as a young girl. I never once had to doubt his love for me- even when I struck out looking during a softball game or got into a minor accident in my car. His love for us was endless, and for that I will forever be grateful. From early on God had a plan for our family- He knew this day would come and how hard it would be to let go, but I believe that is the reason why He blessed us so unconditionally with all of the love and memories we got to share. Our family's life together was something to celebrate and when I close my eyes, I can still see the family we were with him. Even though God has called him to a better place, his legacy here on this Earth will forever live on- it will be in Mom's love and determination, my laughter, Briona's energy, Baleigh's spunk, and in all of the hearts of the many lives that he touched. My dad was a loving brother, husband, father, friend, co-worker, and coach. Words cannot describe how greatly he will be missed.
I love you with all of my heart daddy, and I promise you that -as a family- we will fulfill every dream you ever had for us. I will forever be your Cinderella and I cannot wait for that first dance with you in heaven.

I must be honest- Monday morning, on the way to the hospital, I never thought God would allow this to happen to our family. I kept saying, "Mom, why would God place all the right people around him (nurses & friends) at the exact moment that it happened; they were there for a reason." I just thought it could never happen- he was so young & healthy & full of life! Besides, I had just texted him a couple hours earlier (little did I know that would be the last time I ever got to say, "I love you, daddy.") But as soon as we walked in the hospital doors and heard the news, I went completely numb. My heart especially. I was so mad at God for doing this. He wasn't ready to go- he had 3 young girls to provide for and a wife to care for.... I thought God was heartless and just down right mean. But as I prayed a million prayers and wept until my eyes were so swollen that I could no longer see- my heart knew the answer. God is the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and end. He is and was and always will be. He has a will for our lives and it WILL be carried out. He blessed our lives by placing him in our family, and now He is celebrating life with my daddy where there is no more pain, hurt, tears, or burdens. What a beautiful vision:)!!