Christmas 2009

My Christmas was filled with lots of love, laughter, great food, wonderful family, and lots of presents! Although, I wanted to share my most favorite present with you- my memory blanket. This blanket is made out of my dad's tshirts that were special to our relationship with him. Of course, he had enough shirts to make tons of blankets, but my mom picked out just a few that held a significant meaning to us and our favorite memories of him. I thought this was the absolute neatest idea my mom could've come up with for a gift!! Many times it's easy to get wrapped up in the expense and number of presents that have your name written across the top, but someday those presents will tarnish, fall apart, and break into pieces. It will be thrown away and replaced with something newer, bigger, and more expensive. But this present will never tarnish or fall apart, because it holds some of my fondest memories of my dad while we were living life together, and that memory will never die, it will forever live on in my heart.

From the very top (left to right)-

A picture of my dad & I on our last Florida vacation together during a baseball game

The shirt worn while he & I coached together in 2008

Our last family picture taken during the summer of 2008

The shirt worn while he chaperoned and participated in my Senior Post Prom

The K&K shirt he wore everyday to work to provide for and take care of his family

The shirt I bought him on a trip to Paris, France

One of my favorite pictures of him and I as a young baby:)

His "Walk to Emmaus" shirt which was very special because he got to sponsor me when I went on the "Walk"

Another Post Prom shirt that he helped host

One of the many Barr-Reeve shirts that he had:) But this one was of my Senior year basketball sectionals that I cheered at (I'll never forget seeing his face in the crowds)

And finally a softball shirt, which he adored playing and coaching. The Gasthof team took many years to build, but we were finally able to bring home that 1st place trophy- I'll never forget his coaching voice coming from 3rd base or the huge grin on his face after we had finally won it all:)

Briona's blanket

Baleigh's blanket

Grandma:)

Wagler grandchildren

Hope everyone has a Happy New Year!!!!!

~JM~

Christmas Outing!!

Today, Steph & I took our 12 cheerleaders to Evansville to go eat at Gatti-town, shop at the mall, and attempt ice-skating at Swander Arena! We had sooo much fun and I'm so glad that we got to spend some fun moments with these girls! I must share one episode of our trip because it's just too funny to keep inside:) As we were walking into the ice arena, a couple girls came up to me with wide, worried expressions and said, "Brittany! Why are we going here? That sign says no socializing!!!" I quickly looked at the sign, tried to keep my laugh hidden inside, and said, "Girls- it says, No Soliciting!!" It was soo funny- their worried looks were so innocent!! Here are a few pics from our outing:

~JM~

Life Legacies

LIVE DEEP
Never stop learning, playing, or finding wonder in the world around you. Live the length of your life, but live the depth of it as well.

TRAVEL LIGHT
There is no excuse in carrying around worry and regret. They only weigh you down. Always keep yourself open to hope and to love. They give us wings.

FORGIVE IMPERFECTIONS...
in yourself and others. Imperfections keep things interesting. They're the cracks where the light shines through.

OWN BEAUTIFUL THINGS..
And not just to keep in the drawer, tucked away for a perfect day. Surround yourself with things that make you happy, that remind you of the beauty all around us if we only keep our eyes open to it.

MAKE MISTAKES...
Follow detours. Sometimes it takes an unexpected turn to help us find the life that is waiting for us around the bend. Trust yourself and the path that is meant for you.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF...
And sometimes that means you need the ice cream:). Be good to your body, but also to your mind and spirit. You're the only one who can.

(Don't know who this is by, but I absolutely LOVE it!:))

~JM~

Elf Yourself!!

Great News on my aunt!! She was moved out of ICU and into rehab to work on her progress and then on sending her home!! Thank you, Jesus:) what a great Christmas blessing!! Anyways, I was playing around on the computer today and I found this really fun site where you can crop pictures, put them on elf bodies, and make them break it down to Christmas tunes! It's soo cute and I thought some of you might enjoy it:) Here's the link below:

http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/


~JM~

Over the weekend...

The Cross wreath we placed on my dad's grave (his favorite)!!

Our family got some unsettling news on Saturday morning, my Aunt Ruth (dad's sister), was back in the hospital and not doing very well at all. They suspected that she had had another heart attack and her lungs were 3/4 of the way filled with fluids, so she was having a lot of difficulty breathing. As I walked back into the ICU to visit with her for what I thought may be the last time, I felt the tears start to stream down again and my heart was so anxious. It was such a struggle for her to breathe and all I could stare at was her chest rapidly moving up and down. It hurt me to watch her fight for life while I've taken so many days for granted, without thought of my next breath because it comes so easily... I tried to memorize the feel of her warm fingers, the touch of her hand against mine, and the eyes that looked so deeply into mine because I never got the opportunity to memorize the "last touches" of my dad's. This weekend was tough... I'm not ready to lose another loved one yet. I don't want that call telling me that a family member's life was taken again. These next couple of days will be vital to her health, so if you have some quiet time, please remember my Aunt Ruth in your prayers. Our family would greatly appreciate it:)

~JM~

Christmas is in the Air!!

Christmas is my absolute favorite season- hands down!! I love the music, the decorations, the lights, the warmth that people seem to carry around, and of course the FOOD:)! So mom and I decided to start day 1 of Christmas decorating. We got the downstairs tree up and few other decorations throughout the basement. But there is still so much to do- the upstairs and all of the outside stuff! We definitely feel the missing hand that we used to have around.. It's a lot of work with only 2 people!!

Last weekend, me and a few friends went to see these old railroad tracks and it was soo neat!!Me & Regina on the tracks- trying not to look down!!!

Let me just say, I found out how out of shape I was when trying to climb the hill to the top:)!!!

Soo neat!!

** Oh Beautiful Star of Bethlehem by The Judds was my dad and I's FAVORITE Christmas song!! I love the blog background that I found to go along with it:)

~JM~

Address in the Stars/ Lucky Man

I stumbled across your picture today- I could barely breath. The moment stopped me cold, grabbed me like a thief. I dialed your number, but you wouldn't be there. I knew the whole time, but it's still not fair... I just wanted to hear your voice, I just needed to hear your voice.
What do I do with all I need to say?? So much I wanna tell you everyday. Oh it breaks my heart, I cry these tears in the dark. I write these letters to you, but they get lost in the blue,
'Cause there's no address in the stars...

Address in the Stars- Caitlyn & Will

With Thanksgiving coming up, I started thinking about thankfulness and how easy it is to forget about all that we have and how lucky we really are. Last night as I was driving home, I heard this song by Montgomery Gentry, and for some reason it reminded me of my dad so vividly. It seems that every verse in the song related to him, or he'd said it himself. One thing that I always loved about him was his knowledge of what he had. Yes, there were many days when his thoughts were caught in "paying this bill, saving for our schooling, fixing this, or having to buy that," but at the end of the day, when he would come in from working outside, he would always wrap his arms around us, find our smiles, tell us how special we were, and like a lightbulb, a soft smile would appear on his face almost as if he were thinking, "Man, look at what all I have; I'm a pretty lucky guy."

In his dedication- "Lucky Man" by Montgomery Gentry
*(make sure your volume is turned on:))

All I Ask For Anymore

When I was a baby, I asked to be fed, held, and loved...

When I was a toddler, I asked for attention, learning new things, creating messes, and being rocked to sleep by momma & daddy...

When I was a young girl, I asked to sleep in the middle, for too many barbies & dolls, for someone to play dress-up, and for my parents to be at every gymnastics practice, volleyball and softball game, field trip, and anything else that involved ME:)

When I was a teenager, I asked for cars, prom dresses, more clothes, high heels, new make-up, expensive haircuts, vacations, anything that involved spending money.... I asked for praise, to be told I was right even when I knew I was wrong, to never get in trouble when walking in the door late at night, and for financial support for whatever dreams I had of the future.... I expected every dream to come true and never dreamt of losing anything...

At 20 years old, I ask for protection of my precious sisters and my mom, for their good health, longevity, their love, acceptance, wisdom, advice, and assurance that, "it's gonna be okay and we'll make it." I ask for these things because that's all that matters anymore.

It seems that sometimes we have to lose something before we can see the special life that we were given, and how easily that special life can be gone in the blink of an eye.

~JM~

*LoVe LiVeS oN*

Can you say "hectic life" for me?! Wake up at 6:30 a.m., sub at school from 8-3, cheer practice from 3-6, drive back to Evansville, do homework from 7:30-9, play volleyball at 10:15, go to bed, wake up and start another day:)Whew!!! That wears me out..(p.s. I'm using my homework time to blog:)) So needless to say, tonight is going to be short and sweet!

I heard this song on the radio a couple days ago by a new country artist named, Mallory Hope, and I couldn't have written a song more truthful had I tried!! She sings about losing a loved one and still waking up in the morning trying to "feel" them, making an extra plate without realizing it, and the quietness that seems to be behind each room, and as I listened I just thought, "Wow", she put my exact feelings into this beautiful song that gave me chills as tears streamed down my face! Even though we may lose all that is important, love lives on in their memories, in the smile that still flashes thru your head, in the funny jokes you still laugh at, and in the millions of ways that they are still in your life. Their love will always be there... because love lives Forever...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ri9ihQsiDQ4&NR=1

and even though i cry like crazy

even though it hurts so bad

i'm thankful for the time God gave me

even though we couldn't make it last

i'm learning how to live without you

even though i don't want to

and even with you gone

love lives on...

~JM~

In Memory (pictures)

One year in Heaven..

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Tonight (or this morning) at 1 a.m. will be the one-year mark that I've lived without my dad. He passed away on the way home from a Colts game from a massive heart attack (Martinsville, IN). Us three girls and my mom were sleeping downstairs in the living room when we got a phone call at 12:30 a.m. I woke up, shook mom and asked, "Who would be calling at this time at night?" She replied, "Oh it's probably just dad calling on his way home." I went back to sleep and let mom answer the phone. During that time mom found out that dad had had a heart attack and that we needed to get to the hospital as soon as possible. When asked how bad it was, the only answer we got from anyone was, "They're working on him." The whole way to the hospital, us 4 sat in the back of the car, crying, praying, and holding on to the little piece of hope we had, that our family would be reunited soon. I envisioned running into that hospital, knocking down anyone that got in my way, squeezing my dad so tight, and telling him how very much I loved him. As we pulled into the ER garage and walked through the sliding doors, three doctors stood waiting to give us news that would forever separate our family. The only words I remember hearing were ones that will always feel like a knife in my heart, "He didn't make it." After that I remember gut-wrenching screams, watching my mom fall to the floor, and falling into the arms of whoever caught me. However the rest of the late night/early morning played out will always remain a bit blurry to me, because all I could do was cling to the shoes and jacket that the doctors brought out to us. Clothing that had been on my living and breathing daddy only minutes before.

365 days later I am still as heartbroken as I was the moment I heard the news. I have never cried so many tears, lain awake so many hours, dreamed so many nightmares, or felt pain so biting that it takes your next breath away. Remembering these memories are all that I have left, for the unknown years that I still have to live without my daddy. I would give anything to go back, feel his arms wrapped around me, his kiss on my cheek, and hear the last words he ever spoke to me, only to say good-bye one final time.

Daddy, this evening will be dedicated to you, your life, your love, your dreams, and your accomplishments. I will never forget all of the life that I shared with you. I love you more that words will ever speak.

I'll see you soon,
Brittany

Whoaaa Life!

Wow!! What a crazy and eventful week it has been already and it's only Wednesday! School has me running all over the place (trying to cram it all in in only 3 days has been nice, but pretty stressful too!), I'm in cheerleader-mode, which means I eat, think, and sleep cheers, stunts, motions, practice schedules and all of that jazz, plus throwing in family time and seeing friends = quite a crazy life:), but I wouldn't have it any other way!! It seems like lately I've realized how fast life is flying by and how I wish at times that I could just pull back on the reigns and slow it all down so that I could enjoy it more, but I don't have that privilege unfortunately..
Me, Bay, & Bri taking a ride in Courtney's new car!!

My "little" cousin, Courtney, and her new car; going for a ride:)

Us girls after another successful tourney @ Holy Family two weekends ago!

I also began tutoring these two precious girls this evening, which will continue for another 3-4 weeks! They just make my heart smile:)

Hope everyone is having a great week!!

~JM~

What makes me smile..

Ever have those days where it's soo easy to be in a bad mood, feel sorry for yourself, and all you can think about is going back home, shutting the door, and wonder what exactly made you get outta bed on the wrong side?! I have these days occasionally:)... so I thought- why not think of some things that make me thankful to get out of bed each morning (in other words, what puts a smile on my face).

Here is what I came up with:

Laughter to make me strong...

sunshine to pierce the darkness..

desserts to keep me sweet:) or to satisfy my never-ending sweet tooth!!!
music that excites a passion..

Family to spread my wings... but also to catch me when I fall... friends that give me life..

And prayer to always remind me what my knees are for..

~JM~

Canada Fishing Trip

My daddy, loving life!!

Absolutely breath-taking!!!

Fishing group!

His outfit cracks me up- he wore those boots with everything!!!


I love you, dad...

A dear friend and fellow employer, Nelson, was going through some files on a K&K computer one day and found some of these pictures that were taken a few years ago of some work buddies on a fishing trip in Canada. He was even nice enough to send them to me:) Thank you, Nelson!!

I do treasure any pictures taken, but especially ones of my dad (even though it's hard to look at them for very long) because there will never be anymore added to my collection, and 25 years from now (God-willing) when I'm old and gray:) I'll be able to pull these out and the memories will come flooding back into my heart so that I may share them with my kids and furthur on down the line... I'm really into that family history stuff if you can't tell!!

~JM~